I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
