i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
