I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
