All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
