It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
