if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
