I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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