Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
