I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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