Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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