there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
