genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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