he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
