my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
