saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
