It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
