i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
