Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
