in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
