is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish I only lived at night.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
