i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
