Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'

(586): View more from Michigan

I thought that was really considerate

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(586): I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating' (586): I thought that was really considerate http://tfl.nu/g1h7

Replies (3) Good night (2568) Bad night (761)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.

(314): View more from Missouri

Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..

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(314): Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was. (314): Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night.. http://tfl.nu/wswl

Replies (74) Good night (1489) Bad night (6384)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet

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(603): He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet http://tfl.nu/8qij

Replies (7) Good night (906) Bad night (2438)
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(903): View more from Texas

My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.

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(903): My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something. http://tfl.nu/fhlb

Replies (35) Good night (5308) Bad night (858)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker

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(304): please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker http://tfl.nu/hr9i

Replies (15) Good night (1275) Bad night (4175)
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(217): View more from Illinois

i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.

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(217): i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that. http://tfl.nu/jmlu

Replies (43) Good night (1528) Bad night (2876)
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(770): View more from Georgia

It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.

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(770): It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college. http://tfl.nu/l73u

Replies (15) Good night (5752) Bad night (756)
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(315): View more from New York

Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...

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(315): Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime... http://tfl.nu/v3a6

Replies (7) Good night (2195) Bad night (1189)
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(915): View more from Texas

everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.

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(915): everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself. http://tfl.nu/tl80

Replies (8) Good night (2115) Bad night (1106)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.

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(616): Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine. http://tfl.nu/pixd

Replies (6) Good night (1210) Bad night (2314)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation

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(978): also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation http://tfl.nu/1tpq

Replies (4) Good night (1709) Bad night (780)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.

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(601): It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face. http://tfl.nu/wypl

Replies (9) Good night (3221) Bad night (791)
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(623): View more from Arizona

By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.

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(623): By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us. http://tfl.nu/p1x8

Replies (12) Good night (1464) Bad night (663)
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(817): View more from Texas

You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.

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(817): You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman. http://tfl.nu/6t1t

Replies (10) Good night (3081) Bad night (546)
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(248): View more from Michigan

He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.

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(248): He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall. http://tfl.nu/m004

Replies (10) Good night (2409) Bad night (1037)

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