I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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