I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
