At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
