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• (917): View more from New York City

  sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"

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• (561): View more from Florida

  hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?

  (407): View more from Florida

  i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery

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• (940): View more from Texas

  She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.

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  27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.

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• (585): View more from New York

  I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad

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• (760): View more from California

  They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.

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  23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  And we're breaking up

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• (315): View more from New York

  at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"

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