Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
