okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
