one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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