I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
