"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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