I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
