What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
