The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
