just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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