Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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