I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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