THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
