I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
