insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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