I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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