there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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