i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
