i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
