So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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