I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
