Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
