You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
