I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
