So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
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So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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