there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
