Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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