Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
