Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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