im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
