puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
