worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
