He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
