im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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