Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
