You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
