If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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