I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's never too late to be topless.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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