I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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