he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
