he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
