oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
