I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
