He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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