i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
