i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
