If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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