i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
