Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
