I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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