Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
