Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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